


when you close your eyes

by fromneptune



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Drama, Fluff, Hiking, I Tried, I legit just learned that these two are foils, Karasuno Family, M/M, Slow Build, Summer Vacation, and sad..., asahi is in college, this fic is really slow and peaceful imo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-05-31 17:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6480256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fromneptune/pseuds/fromneptune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Noya seemed fine after the seniors had graduated. He realized what was wrong over summer vacation, when he met Asahi again.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	when you close your eyes

**Author's Note:**

> If you are able to read all of this without closing your tab (because writing this I wanted to, many times) then you are a wonderful human being. I had some trouble with ideas, so it's a little weird. This fic took me ages to write but I'm glad I did, because a part of me is very in love with Asahi, and Noya is his guardian deity. Enjoy!

By the time summer vacation ended, dreadfully so, Nishinoya Yuu had realized it. He realized that he was in love. Or at least, something like that. It was his third high school summer vacation, meaning it was his last. He’d done the usual: going to the beach, going to Tanaka’s house (which was nothing new), and volleyball training. He ate a lot of soda flavored  _Garigari-kun_ and did a lot of sleeping. Life was good, school was good, and volleyball was good. However he couldn’t help but feel a lingering sense of loss whenever he was in school and the club. Something was missing, or _someone_ was missing. He couldn’t tell. He just felt it, like a ghost haunting him. This isn’t to say that it was scary. It was unsettling.

With Ennoshita as the new captain, and the rambunctious Hinata and Kageyama flying around, club life was definitely not without its liveliness. Noya and Tanaka, having not being able to protect Kiyoko anymore, decided to work on protecting Yachi, who became the new manager. Noya enjoyed all of this. But still, it wasn’t the same as a year ago.

A strange thing happened when he went to the supermarket early one summer morning. He went to get frozen dumplings and senbei. He didn’t realize he was short on money, and panicked when the cashier told him he needed two-hundred yen (like a dollar and change). That was when a voice from behind saved him.

“Is that you, Noya?”

He whirled around at the familiar, gentle voice. “Asahi-san?”

Asahi was a few centimeters taller than last year, and his hair grew out even longer. His goatee was still there, unshaved, and Noya often wondered if it ever grew long like Confucius. He had on a muscle tee, khakis, a large backpack, and sneakers. He had some piercings on one ear. He smiled. “It _is_ you, Noya. Your hair is different.” Noya’s hair was still spiky and brown, but he changed the color of the middle part. It was red now.

“Well, yeah . . .” Noya has never been so lost and surprised and speechless.

“You need two-hundred yen, right? I have it. Here,” Asahi offered.

Noya felt guilty, but he also knew that Asahi was stubborn when it came to things like this. “Okay. Thanks,” he said.

After the ordeal, he felt obligated to wait for him by the exit. It would be weird and kind of rude to just leave, especially if the person you met was someone you knew for a long time. As he stood, he thought about why he was feeling so awkward and not his usual upbeat self. He couldn’t come up with an answer. As Asahi walked toward him, he felt it again. “Long time no see,” his former senpai said.

He smiled. He suddenly felt better, as if his own nervousness was washing itself away. It was just Asahi, after all. What was there to be nervous about? “Yeah. It’s good to see you, Asahi-san. What are you doing here?”

“I’m going hiking. The scenery in Miyagi is the best.”

“Hiking? What for?”

“Well, to hike! Do you want to come with me?”

Strangely enough, Asahi’s enthusiasm about hiking wasn’t so surprising. The weirdest thing you would find out about him was surely the existence of his “Bible.” So this, in comparison, was like a casual conversation, as if hiking wasn’t dangerous at all. What really struck Noya in the head, though, was that Asahi asked him if he wanted to tag along. Every thought in his mind told him, _Say no, say no._ But at the same time, he didn’t know why he should say no to Asahi. Especially since it’s been so long. So he said, “Sure?”

Asahi brightened, throwing him off his pace. “Great.” He lowered his bag and took out a pair of what seemed to be hiking sneakers. “I always bring two pairs,” he said, “just in case something happens to the ones on my feet. Here.”

“Oh, are you lending them to me?”

“Well, yeah. I don’t think your sandals are good for climbing cliffs. Don’t worry, they aren’t infected or anything,” he laughed.

Noya had heard Asahi’s laugh millions of times before; he’d seen his smile again and again. Just what was so different about now? What was so different that it could make him not feel like himself? “Okay,” he said, “thanks.”

Asahi frowned. “You’ve definitely mellowed down, haven’t you, Noya? I thought you’d be jumping around by now.”

It wasn’t that he “mellowed down.” Sure, he matured, but Noya was still Noya. Only, at least in the presence of Asahi, he was nervous. As if he had something to be scared of or something that bothered him, he _seemed_ mellow. But he wasn’t mellow or calm. He was internally exploding and externally detonating the bomb.

As they walked to the hiking site, they were quiet. Another thing Noya, under normal circumstances, wouldn’t be able to keep up. Asahi started a conversation: “So how is being a third-year? Are Hinata and Kageyama behaving?”

“For the most part, I guess. A lot of the time they act like an old married couple; always barking at each other but always working it out in the end.”

“That sounds like them, alright.”

“Shouyou is getting better and better. He’s always got something up his sleeve.”

“Of course. I wouldn’t expect any less.”

“But me . . .” he trailed off, not wanting to suddenly become personal. Since it was Asahi, though, it was fine. “I don’t know what I should be doing with my life.”

A look of terror drew onto Asahi’s face. “Wait, wait, wait! Where is Nishinoya Yuu, you impostor!”

“Huh? He’s right here!”

“No! Since when are you so unsure of yourself? Have we switched places, Yuu?” Asahi was serious, and since he was serious, he used Noya’s first name. He looked down into his big brown eyes with a fervent determination. These were the eyes Asahi had whenever he would be on the court. These were the eyes Noya loved to see, the ones that drove him to not play volleyball if he couldn’t see them.

Either way, he took Noya’s problem as a crisis. “I appreciate your wanting to help me, but what I meant was that I don’t know which one I should choose: volleyball or cooking?”

Slightly embarrassed, Asahi cleared his throat. “You mean like, as a profession?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, which do you like more?” he asked, and all Noya had to do was glance at him to give him an answer. “Volleyball, of course. Then, what’s the problem? You can be a professional player.”

Noya looked at the ground as they walked. He touched his heart. “A part of me agrees with you. But another part of me wants to break out of that box, the one where it’s “volleyball this, volleyball that.” I want to explore knew things.”

“Then, which part of yourself do you side with more?”

“Asahi-san. No offense, but you can’t really give advice, can you? All you’re doing is asking me questions.”

Asahi felt something like an arrow through his head. “That hurt.”

“It did? But, I mean, well . . .”

“Okay. As your senpai, this is going to be my one and only piece of advice to you: Think of your ending. And by ending, I mean what kind of life you want to have. That way you can draw the path to getting there.”

Noya took back what he said about Asahi’s advice. It was actually very, very, helpful. He almost wanted to hug him and thank him. “When did you become so poetic?” he asked.

Asahi looked at him and tousled his hair. “I don’t know.”

When the sunlight was at its peak, they reached the area they would be climbing. It wasn’t a super tall cliff, but it was tall enough to make everyone below look like squirrels. There was a large red sign in the middle or the entrance.

Noya read it aloud: “Due to construction, this hiking area will be closed until March or next year.” He turned to Asahi, who was already slowly turning like stone. “Asahi-san! Don’t give up! Come back to me!”

Coming back to Earth, Asahi laughed. “ _There’s_ Noya.”

He was right. Slowly but surely, he was regaining himself. Having Asahi around felt normal again. But the problem with this was that he wanted it to last, and he knew it wouldn’t. He knew it eventually _couldn’t._ “Here he is,” he mumbled.

“Well. Now that our plans are ruined, do you want to come over to my place?”

The prospect of ever going to Asahi’s home was the type of thought that didn’t occur until it did. Noya’s nerves came back at full throttle. Has he ever even been to his house before? All that time they spent together, and he doesn’t remember once going there. So of course, he accepted. “Okay.”

***

The interior of Asahi’s parents’ home felt much like Asahi himself. The walls were painted in soft, forest colors. On them were watercolor paintings of different sights. Noya even stopped to look at them, because they stood out in a way that encompassed him in the colors. The paintings pulled him into a trance, and he blocked out everything else, even Asahi’s voice.

The voice called out to him loudly, “Noya! Are you hungry?” He was in the kitchen, and he didn’t seem to notice that Noya had been staring at the artwork.

Pushed back into reality, Noya replied, “Sure! Where are your parents, though?”

“Working, probably?”

“Hmm. And the paintings?”

Asahi took out some rice, fresh seaweed, and frozen dumplings. “The ones by the door?”

“Yeah. Who made them?”

As if it wasn’t a surprising fact at all, he answered, “Oh. I did.”

“What?! Something that amazing?”

“Umm, I don’t know what you’re trying to imply, but yeah. Did I never tell you about my art?”

“I’m just surprised. And no, you never told me! What the hell, Asahi-san!” Noya laughed, so his words and demeanor were lighter than they seemed. He was glad that his senior had such a talent for something other than volleyball and looking like a thug, but he couldn’t stop the feeling of “I wish I’d known this before” from welling up inside him.

Now knowing they were Asahi’s, he looked at them again and saw Asahi’s feelings portrayed in them.

He wanted to know more. He wanted to know more about this Asahi, who was already different in his mind from the Asahi he knew in high school, although there weren’t any major physical differences. In high school, there were times where he was pessimistic and submissive and always smiling even when he may have not wanted to. But Noya noticed the times where Asahi was shining and tall and fierce. When he spiked, it was like his inner-self and outer-self switched places. It was like he really was as scary as his appearance suggested. But that was only playing volleyball.

Now Noya could see everything. His pain, his frustration, his gentleness and overbearing kindness. Nothing was no longer dormant. Everything that made him Asahi was there, and while it made Noya smile, it made him scared. He was scared by how much he didn’t want Asahi to leave again.

After eating and lazing around, Asahi said, “It’s getting late. Shouldn’t you be going home?”

“Eh . . . kicking me out already?” Noya teased.

“N-no! You know I’d let you stay. But my parents might be coming home soon.”

“So they’d kick me out?”

“No . . .”

“Then it’s fine. I’ll stay the night.” Once Noya made a decision, he wouldn’t change it. Once he set his mind to do something, he did it. Everyone on the team knew this, and didn’t dare to tell him otherwise. He rarely ever got angry, but even he probably would if someone told him “you can’t” when he really wanted to. That’s why, when Asahi told him earlier that he could be a professional player, he was happy.

Asahi sighed. “I’ll take out the futon.”

Just then, his father came home. He was a tall and skinny man with a mustache (as opposed to Asahi’s goatee) and short brown hair. Noya could immediately tell whom Asahi got his physical traits from.

“Oh? Are you Asa’s friend?” his father asked.

“Yeah, I’m Nishinoya Yuu. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Oh! From the volleyball club.”

“Yes. From the volleyball club.” Noya felt nervous, meeting Asahi’s father so suddenly.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you. It’s good to see a new face around here,” he said, turning to his son. They talked quietly for a bit and laughed, and then Noya and Asahi were alone in the latter’s room. They took turns taking showers and went to bed.

However, neither of them could actually sleep. “Asahi-san. Are you awake?” Noya whispered.

“Yeah,” he replied.

“Do you ever miss us?”

“Us? Like, the team?”

“Yeah.”

“Well,” Asahi said with a tender voice, “of course I do. Every day.”

“Then, why are people sometimes forced to part with the things they love?”

There was a silence that was waiting to be filled. “I don’t really know. I can guess, though, that it’s to grow.”

“ _Grow?_ I’m not getting much taller,” Noya retorted.

“Ah, Noya, you know what I mean!” Asahi laughed. He quieted down and said, “You think you can sleep now?”

“I think. By the way, Asahi-san, you’re kind of like Buddha.”

Not knowing whether it was a compliment, he replied, “I mean, you’re the one who keeps asking me questions that are hard to answer. You have the curiosity of a six year-old.”

“Well, then you have the personality of a monk. Would you ever want to shave your hair off?”

“No! This hair is what makes me ‘me’.”

Noya sunk his face into the pillow and smiled. “That’s true.”

When things fell silent again, Asahi initiated the conversation. “Tell me, Noya, have you gotten a girlfriend yet?”

“What are you talking about? Between the club and studying, I don’t have time for that.” This was one part of the truth. The other part was that he wasn’t sure if he even wanted a girlfriend. He was content with the way things were now.

“Again, what’s with these pessimistic answers? I would think that the usual Noya would say that he could take on any challenge.”

“Not this one.”

“Fair enough.”

“What about you?”

“Me? I don’t really . . . see a relationship in my future.”

“Who’s a pessimist now? Just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it’s not there.”

Asahi lowered his voice. “Noya, if only you knew . . .”

***

The next morning, both of Asahi’s parents were home. To his mother, Noya once again introduced himself very awkwardly, and was received only with smiles. The four of them ate breakfast as well, and Noya almost forgot about his own home. He felt as if he was eating breakfast with three Asahis.

Before leaving for practice, Asahi asked Noya, “Do you want to try hiking again?”

“Sure, but isn’t the site closed?”

“My dad told me about another place. You can come over after practice one day. I'll call you. Okay?”

“. . . Okay.” Something was off. Well, it wasn’t so much as off as it was “different.” Something in Noya, or in Asahi (or both) had changed, so much so that Noya felt _excited_ about going on a trip with Asahi. Just Asahi. Not with the old team or anything, because he knew it would be just the two of them, and that made him happy. However, he didn’t realize this himself until the day came. He didn’t tell the others about Asahi because he didn’t feel it was necessary, and his subconscious most definitely wanted to keep it a secret.

“Noya, you’re here so early,” Asahi sleepily mumbled. “You can come in.”

Noya found the sleepy Asahi endearing. The disheveled hair, the lazy shave, even the morning breath. All of it he noticed, though he felt he normally wouldn’t. “What’s the matter with you, Asahi-san? It’s already three! Since when did you sleep in so late?”

“Last night . . . I couldn’t really sleep.”

“Why?”

“I was thinking about stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?”

“Noya, you still like asking questions, don’t you?” Asahi smiled subtly. “Let me go get ready.”

Naturally, since he was alone in his room, he snooped around. He saw a lot of loose photographs of the team all together. He saw some of just himself, and of him and Asahi. _He must have been looking at these recently,_ he thought. There were pictures of them winning Nationals, at training camp, playing beach volleyball. Looking at them, he figured it was normal to want to look at the nice memories they had. Then he noticed the corner of a picture hidden in a book, he wanted to look at it. Just as he reached for it, though, Asahi returned. Seeing that Noya’s hand was still on the book, he paused. “Did you see it?” he asked.

“The picture? No. Do you not want me to?”

“Yeah . . . sorry. It’s kind of personal.” He hid, whatever it was, behind his usual gentle smile.

“It’s fine! I shouldn’t be snooping around. Anyway, is it time to go?”

“Oh, yeah.” He checked his watch. “It is.”

The truth is, that picture was something Asahi held very close to his heart. Let’s just say that if Noya saw it at that time, he would have been forced to face something he wasn’t ready to face yet.

***

He didn’t know whether hiking trips were normally like this, or if it was just being with Asahi. But the unnerving silence—or tension—bothered him. It bothered him specifically because he was the type of person who always tried to be the exact opposite. So he said, "Asahi-san, do you normally take these kinds of trips?"

"Yeah, I do. I don't really know why. I just like to wander."

Noya laughed. "That sounds like you."

"One time last summer, I meant to take a bullet train only for a few stops, but I fell asleep and woke up on the last stop. I wasn't even on this island anymore. I had to wait for the morning train, but I had no place to stay so I talked to this guy and he let me sleep in his restaurant. That was when my mother wanted me to stop going to random places without a reason, but my father talked her out of it. He said, 'It's the springtime of his life'."

"Are you serious?! Don't you feel embarrassed . . .?"

"Well, I've only told you and my parents about this. For sure, if I told Daichi or Suga they would make it a long-running joke."

"Yeah, they might." Noya felt happy being privy to a strange, small event in Asahi's life.

Along the path, they saw lots of beetles and squirrels. Noya marveled at the different types of beetles he saw, and flashed back to, as a child, when he would try to catch them with his mother. She was always able to catch every one she came across. Afterwards, when he would lose, they would go back inside and see his father cracking watermelons open. That was their summer. That was their every summer, until five years ago. When Noya lost his father to a truck, he was in Chidoriyama practicing. It hadn't occurred to him then (how could it?) that he had lost someone important, and that he wouldn't be able to see them ever again.

"Noya? You okay?" Asahi snapped him out of his thoughts that were descending into a dark place.

"Me? Of course I am! Oh, watch out, there's a rock--" Asahi, having not been warned earlier, collided with a large rock, tripped, and fell down on his face. "God, are you okay? Should I get out the first aid?" Noya tried to hold back his laughter.

"No, I'm fine," he stumbled, holding his nose. "Now,  _this_  is embarrassing."

***

They prepared dinner as the sun set. Asahi brought stacks of cup ramen for them to eat. He also brought, for some reason, many bags of soft ginger candy. Just as the hot water (more like cold water that became warm because of the heat) settled into the noodles, the two heard a booming, destructive crash from above. The clouds gathered together and turned dark. The sun seemed to have no longer existed. Once again, the thunder. "Oh, no," Asahi said. He flinched at the flash of lightning that split the sky in two.

"Is it going to--" Noya's question was answered by the rain itself. It poured on them in an instant. "Asahi-san, the food! The food!" he exclaimed. Asahi went for the noodles as he dug inside his bag and took out a giant sleeping bag. With all the moving around, they got even more wet. Asahi went to take out his own sleeping bag, but Noya said, "It's fine! We'll just share mine!"

Asahi jumped. "What?!" The rain stopped. Everything was drippy and wet and cooler now that it rained. Asahi definitely heard what Noya said, but it sounded outrageous to his ears.

"Come on. We need to warm up, or else we're going to end up with summer colds."

Asahi complied, because he was hungry and cold and wanted to eat his ramen. He tried not to overthink the situation, he really tried, but in his mind he was reminded that he and Noya were alone. And, if you haven't figured it out already, he kind of liked him. Asahi tried to calm his nerves down. He and Noya took off their wet shirts. He was currently sharing a sleeping bag with Noya, with a bare chest, reclined against a tree, eating warm shrimp ramen. Nothing could have been more blissful, and deadly.

The two of them were falling asleep fast. Asahi was finishing a bag of candy when he dozed off. He hadn't noticed yet that Noya was leaning on his shoulder.

He did notice it when he woke up and saw that the sky was dark and the stars were out. Really, they're always out, but not all of the time can they be seen. "Noya! Wake up!" he whispered frantically, partly so that Noya could see the stars and partly so that his heart would stop beating so fast.

"Hmm? What is it? Oh, the stars! They're beautiful."

"Yeah, you are." Believe it or not, even though Asahi hadn't planned to say this in the slightest, he didn't notice he said it until  _after_ Noya gave him a sideways glance. " _They_ are! I said 'they are'."

Noya seemed to accept this, though in reality he was just as embarrassed as the person who said it. He stayed strictly himself, though, without any indication that he was uneasy. He changed the subject. "So how is college treating you?"

"It's okay. My roommate, you know, reminds me a lot of you."

"Eh? How so? Did he come up with a special move like 'Rolling Thunder'?"

"No  . . ."

"Then he's nothing like me!"

"I mean, he's loud and walks really fast. He's full of energy in the morning. And he's really short."

"A lot of people are short to you, Asahi-san."

"Ah, that's true. But I've met some nice people. Girls have lent me their notes."

"I see. That's good." The only thing dragging Noya down at that moment was the future. Sure, they were having a good time now, but in ten or fifteen years, would either of them remember this? They probably would have lost touch, and be on their separate paths. Asahi with a wife and children, Noya doing something somewhere.

Asahi looked at Noya suspiciously. He wasn't sure how he knew this, but he could tell something was wrong. "Noya, you've been acting really weird lately. What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong," he quickly replied, because he himself didn't know. He pointed to the sky. "Look! The north star!"

Asahi laughed. "Are you  _sure_ that's the north star? Looks pretty normal to me."

"No, look, it has the pointy parts at the corners."

"Eh? How can you even see that far? Have you been pretending to be human this entire time? Because that would make a lot of sense."

Noya indignantly shoved Asahi to the side. But since they were sharing a sleeping bag, they fell over together. Noya was hovering over Asahi, and if things weren't awkward before, they sure were now. It was a second that felt like an hour. An hour of just staring into each other's big brown eyes, and feeling as lost as ever. It was a perfectly silent moment, with as much dread as there was longing. Longing for each other.

Noya wanted to reach out and caress Asahi's hair. The hair, the face that made him Azumane Asahi and no one else. He usually did anything he truly wanted to do, but this time he didn't. Asahi frowned, and it wasn't angry or irritated; it was more solemn and focused than anything. He held Noya by the shoulders and got back up. He leaned in closer and closer. "Noya, there's something you should know. I'm . . ."

Just then, as he said the word, the trees rustled and shook, as if trying to break free. Still, Noya heard the word. It didn't surprise him as much as Asahi thought it would, but he was surprised enough to stop and lean away from him.  "For how long?"

"Since high school," Asahi muttered.

"High school? Does that mean you liked someone? Someone on the team?"

". . . I guess . . ."

"Who?" Again, Noya would ask and ask away without thinking ahead of what the answer could be.

"It doesn't matter. I gave up on him."

"Why would you give up, Asahi-san? If I were you--"

"Well, you're  _not_ me, Noya."

"Right. Sorry."

"It's fine."

That night, they were quieter than the trees around them, and more still than the stars above them.

***

"Asahi-san, wake up! The sun is out!"

Asahi awoke, and the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was Noya leaning over and staring at him. The sunlight peered out from behind him, almost beautifully so. Asahi turned over. "Ten more minutes . . ."

"No way! I have practice!"

Asahi groaned, "Alright, fine." He put his shirt back on and rolled up the sleeping bag. They headed out, and on the way neither of them said anything. It was to be expected, because Noya's mind was full of what Asahi had told him yesterday and Asahi's mind was being haunted by what he said.

"Ah, _dammit_!" Noya exclaimed all of a sudden.

Asahi whirled around in an instant. "Are you okay?"

"Hmm? Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry about that."

Asahi didn't believe him for a second. If there was anything he'd learned about his kouhai over the years, it was that Noya smiled almost all of the time (except within the intensity of a match), and because of this, it wasn't easy to tell when he was upset or in pain. Never vulnerable. For this reason he watched Noya constantly, and for this reason he knew at that time that Noya was not okay. He watched him walk for a while, then he figured it out. "Noya, your ankle."

"What?"

"Is it sprained?"

Noya paused and quickly learned that Asahi wasn't going to give up on this. "Yeah . . ."

Asahi took out his first aid and treated Noya's ankle. Noya felt strange, seeing Asahi so naturally hold his ankle and feel his skin. He didn't know if he could do the same without feeling embarrassed. He talked big when it rained on them, but at that time he wasn't completely calm.

"There you go. Now, let me carry you."

"What?"

"Oh, um, only if you don't mind."

"No, I don't mind." And he truly didn't. He was just confused, because of Asahi’s nonchalance even though he was gay Noya was a boy.  _Unless,_ he thought,  _he really just sees me as a friend. Why would I think otherwise?_ He sighed.  _Why is he doing this to me?_

Noya hoped onto Asahi’s back. As he did, the only thing in his line of sight ended up being the back of Asahi’s neck. Noya could see his ponytail, the tiny hairs at the bottom, and the tag of his shirt clearly visible. He smiled. He enjoyed all of these things. He liked Asahi's smell, too. It was a smell of pine and cinnamon.

"You okay?" Asahi asked.

"Yeah. I'm okay," Noya laughed.

"What's funny?"

"You're funny."

"Me? How so?"

"Your shirt is inside out."

"What?! Man, I'm an idiot." After a minute, Asahi took a deep breath. He wanted to continue the conversation from yesterday. "So, about yesterday, you aren't creeped out or anything, are you? I mean, it kind of came out of nowhere."

"No. I'm okay with it. I don't think I have a say in it anyway, because I was never as close to you as Daichi-san and Suga-san were. But I wouldn't reject you for something like that, Asahi-san."

With a subtle relief, he said, "Thanks, Noya. It's just . . . that's the one thing my mom isn't able to come to terms with. She's a great person, but we can't agree on love. Since she gets sick sometimes, I don't bring it up. It would just give her more stress."

"So have you had any boyfriends?" Noya sneered.

"Just one."

"Why didn't it work out?"

"He told me he liked someone else."

"Tch! Why even date someone you don't truly like?"

"It's not like you can control who you have feelings for. Things just happen. Someone who you thought you'd never see again can appear right in front of you, at a place like a convenience store. And then everything changes."

***

Back at Asahi's home, in his room, Noya relaxed his leg. He knew he wouldn't be able to go to practice, so he called Ennoshita. "Hello? Chikara?"

_"Noya, what's up?"_

"I won't be able to come to practice today. Can you tell Coach?"

_"Sure. But why?"_

"I sprained my ankle."

_"Doing what, exactly?"_

"Hiking."

Noya heard Ennoshita laugh through the phone. _"What were you hiking for? That's unlike you. You don't like to just walk."_

"I was doing it with someone, okay? Chikara, you ask more questions than me!"

_"A girlfriend?"_

"Bye, Chikara."

_"Alright, alright, see you soon."_

Just then, Asahi came inside with some painkillers, water, and ginger candy. Noya realized that he had a slight obsession with the stuff, and yet it wasn't weird, because it was Asahi and he was an overall weird person. He thought about more of Asahi's idiosyncrasies. He only knew a few, like how listening to hard rock helps him sleep, that he writes the character for "evening" on his hand (instead of "person") to calm him down, and how he likes animals but they don't like him.

"Are you hungry? My mom made some rice balls."

"Sure."

As he left, Noya remembered the book. His temptation to open it went as far as him being centimeters away from it. But he relented. He didn't want to do anything that would hurt Asahi's feelings. He relented, and tried, but in that second where he opened the book to the picture, everything that happened--and didn't happen--so far, made sense. The picture was of him. It was a full-body shot of Noya jumping up and smiling. He shut the book and thought of everything Asahi's said and done. He encouraged him immensely, he invited him to go hiking together, it wasn't only his own heart beating fast when they shared the sleeping bag, and when he carried him. Noya was now realizing that Asahi always treated him gently. He realized what Asahi meant when he said you can't control who you have feelings for. He realized that the one who he first liked, in high school, was Noya all along.

It was always Noya. Asahi was probably talking about himself when he explained why he and his ex broke up. Even apart, Asahi thought of him.

All of this probably should have made him happy, or at least grateful, but it didn't. He felt fear creeping up inside him. He felt Asahi's feelings for him consume his thoughts and his nerves. He stood up as fast as he could, and tried to quickly leave. Asahi stopped him. "Noya? Where are you going?"

"I have to go," Noya said, facing the door. "Home."

"You have to rest your leg, or else it'll swell. Why do you want to leave?"

"I just have to go. I'm sorry, Asahi-san."

Asahi paused. "You saw it, didn't you? That picture."

He opened the door and stared to leave. ". . . See you later."

Behind him, Asahi closed the front door. He shouted, to stop Noya from leaving, "That's right, Noya! I love you! I've been in love with you for three years! I know you don't feel the same way, and I know we're complete opposites. I'm sorry if this is a burden to you. But it's how I really feel."

Noya still had his back turned. He, without saying a word, walked off. There were a number of things that prevented him from shouting back similar words from his heart. For one, he wasn't sure if he did feel the same way, and because of this he did not want to take advantage of Asahi's earnest feelings just to keep him around.

***

On the last day of practice (because summer vacation was almost over), Noya decided that it wouldn't hurt to ask Ennoshita about it. He wasn't coming up with much of an answer by himself. "Yo, Chikara. Can I ask you something?"

"It must not be serious if you're asking  _me_ and not Coach."

"Well, it's not about volleyball. It's about someone."

"Oh, that girlfriend?"

"No, not quite. Anyway, what if you want to be with someone as friends, but they are in love with you, and you still want to be with them?"

"Hah? Wouldn't you just be with them?"

"No, but what if you don't feel the same way?"

Ennoshita sighed. "I don't know, but are you sure you don't feel the same way if you're hung up over it  _this_ much?"

***

On his way to Asahi's home, he called his mother. "Hello? Mom?"

_"Yuu. What's up?"_

"Do you remember Azumane Asahi? You met him at the cultural festival a year ago."

_"The sweet boy who looked like a mobster?"_

"Yeah, him. What . . . what if I told you . . . that I was in love with him?"

_". . . I'd think you're joking. But then I would ask if you're serious."_

"Well, I am."

_"Then, if you're serious, I think it's okay. Your father would probably be against it, though. He was a traditional man."_

"I know."

_"But, if this is what you want, then the both of us have to be quiet."_

"Thank you. Mom, I love you."

_"I know, Yuu. I love you too."_

By the time the phone call ended, Noya reached Asahi's front doorstep. He took in a deep breath. He could see everything clearly now. It was so simple from the beginning. Ever since they met again at the cash register, Noya probably fell for him then. He just couldn't see it as a possibility.

He rang the doorbell. The one who answered, though, was Asahi’s mother.

"Oh, um, is he not here?"

"If you're looking for Asahi, then we just dropped him off at the train station. He's going back to university. You can call him if you need to tell him something."

"No, this I have to tell him face to face."

Her eyes narrowed. "So you really do love him."

Noya replied, "I do. Can you tell me which train he's getting?"

"Sure. Just keep in mind, Noya, that when you get him, you don't let him go."

***

He had never ran so hard and so far in his life. He definitely preferred it to just walking sometimes, but after this, he figured he'd stick to walking. As he ran, though, he thought about what to say and what would happen after all of this is over.

"ASAHI-SAN! WHEREVER YOU ARE, DON'T GET ON THE TRAIN!" Noya roared from the bottom of his heart.

When the train departed, surely enough there was one person standing at the platform. His back was facing Noya, and Noya realized what he must have felt last time when he wouldn't turn around. But looking at his back, he knew it was Asahi. Noya ran to him and shouted, "Rolling . . . Thunder . . . X!" He tackled him to the floor.

Asahi breathed to try and regain his balance. "Jesus, Noya, what are you doing? Do you want to kill me? And what is 'Rolling Thunder X'?"

"It's my new move, created to stop you from doing anything stupid!"

"What? I was just going back to school!"

"Yeah, but without saying goodbye?"

Asahi frowned. "Well, last time it sure seemed like you wanted nothing to do with me."

"That's not true. I just didn't want to approach your feelings halfheartedly. A friend suddenly telling you they love you isn’t easy to comprehend."

Asahi sat up and ran his fingers through Noya's hair. "Either way, I do love you. And I'm pretty sure you're here to reject me, so . . ."

Immediately, Noya found himself kissing him. He hadn't planned out this part in his head, but it was happening. At first, their lips simply touched because both of them were taken by surprise, but then Asahi took control and Noya accepted it. It was like the release of nearly three years of contained, tamed feelings that were suddenly going wild, without shame.

"Do you still think I'm here to reject you?" Noya asked him.

"Not one bit."

"Oh! That reminds me, I'm going to apply to your university."

"You are? Why?"

"It's the easiest way to be by your side. And I'll fulfill whatever I decide to do."

"Noya, are you sure? Leaving so many things behind for me."

"No, no, Asahi-san. It's for us. And I want us. Besides, you just gave me my first kiss."

They sat and talked for about ten minutes when the next train arrived. "I have to get on this one, okay? Come and visit whenever you feel like it. I'll call you every day. And then, next year, we'll be together. Have Ennoshita help you study, okay? Please."

"What're you trying to say, Asahi-san?"

"Oh, nothing."

Asahi stood in the train, his eyes not leaving Noya's face one second. Noya stood on the platform, his eyes glued to Asahi’s entire being. They smiled, and Noya wished he had realized his feelings sooner. He wished they could just be together longer.

By the time summer vacation ended, dreadfully so, Nishinoya Yuu fell in love. He temporarily said goodbye to the one he loved, but when he'd close his eyes and picture next summer, he saw them spending that summer together.


End file.
